Bargaining and earworms. Not with. Just sayin’.

This has been a tough weekend. The depression has been gathering round, like dense fog contracting in and focusing on a single object. I need the weekend to toughen up for the stress coming on Monday. sigh. This isn’t boding well.

Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday had us contemplating earworms. Today I’ve had another one added to my list from yesterday, Breakeven, and the chorus “I’m praying to a god that I don’t believe in…” That’s exactly what I found myself doing, when I wasn’t paying attention to myself. I find it amusing, interesting and a bit disconcerting. I’ve been bargaining with god, whom I don’t believe in. So there’s that. I want “it” (meaning the constant crap in my life) to stop. I’m not all that particular how, it could be by getting smote down, which if god exists s/he’d probably be right in striking me with a lightning bolt for my mutiny. Then again, if s/he exists, wtf?

I created this photo today with the earworm in mind and my aching knees (and heart and soul or whatever it is):

praying to a god_006 I realized I’m a pale blonde in Second Life when I’m feeling invisible and vulnerable in real life. Fading away, I guess.

I even was saying things like, “If you get me out of this, I’ll even consider going to a church…” I drive a hard bargain. Offers you can’t refuse. N stuff.

I had hoped lightning (not of the smiting kind) would strike twice and that I’d get a next-day answer to the resumes I sent out last week. Nope. Damn. I included my current job and I don’t know if that is a bad thing since I’ve not been there more than a few weeks.

I really wish I knew why all of this was happening. I guess there doesn’t have to be a why. There is just is. I know, intellectually, that none of this never-ending crap is personal, not like there’s a judgey s/he sitting up on a cloud counting the number of times I swear (now there’s a full time job). It just feels personal. Plus my knees hurt and that is getting really, really old.

More lyrics from the new earworm: I’m falling to pieces, yeah…

 

 

 

 

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