I look for clues in other people’s writings. Memoirs of women. Memoirs of lives met with turmoil and how that turmoil was named and driven through. I catch glimpses of recognition: I’ve felt that, I’ve had that happen. Some are universal experiences; some are much more personal circumstances. I look for hints of how to move through with something if not actual grace, then something akin to it.

I have not yet found it. I’ve read wisdom and witticisms. There are people heroic from the start, to the more human and floundering and trying suicide before emerging out the other side. These writers, so far, all have people in their lives, friends who draw them baths, friends who rent them homes or studios for their works, friends with whom to have dinner and deep conversations. Or they have children, spouses, family of some sort, maybe dysfunctional but ultimately supportive or inspirational. Or they have amazing bosses or co-workers. Along with the social support, many of these authors of memoirs have had successful careers, even if they are momentarily abandoned or failed.

I am quite alone, does that disqualify me for wading through the crap without being covered in it? I haven’t written award-winning novels or plays, or had a brilliant nuclear family, or had an awesome career that I gave up to work with disadvantaged humans or to raise dairy goats.

People like me don’t write memoirs because no one would read them.

I enjoy the books, and learn from them, and I will continue to read them, but I have not yet found the road map to navigate my own struggles through the traumas, physical pain and depression—let alone how to do it gracefully, or at least less pathetically.

Featured image: “Cooling Off” an original digital image created in Second Life, with no post-production. 2019

7 Comments

  1. I would absolutely read your book, too. You don’t have to have a family and other stuff to have something worth putting in a book. Just putting your experiences out there so someone else knows they aren’t going through stuff alone, or can relate somehow, is so much. Connections are everything, and the blog world (and books) are wonderful for it.

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  2. I often think about what my life would be like if I didn’t have my sister and her family. It would be very lonely. I get tired of doing every single thing on my own with no help but I do get emotional support and that’s crucial to mental health!
    I do agree with Alittlebitoutoffocus that you have people here who care about you. I get worried when you don’t post. I wish you were close enough to get together because I have no close friends who live around here. It would be nice to have a friend that I didn’t have to live with for 3-4 days. It take a toll on friendship!
    I really wish you were close enough to join Opening Doors or have something like that available to you there. It has made such a difference in my life to meet up with a group I feel comfortable with once or twice a week. People that also have depression, anxiety, don’t have perfect lives and struggle alone. I say I have no friends but now I have friends there. It really helps with depression.
    I really want something good to happen to you! Keep writing; these are your memoirs and we are reading them!

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    1. I’ve often thought about you and Opening Doors, as you’ve written before about how they really filled a gap for you. Who knows, there may be something like that here. With the location of my housing (or even if I will have housing) being so precarious for so long, I just haven’t had the energy to go out and search, make commitments (that I might have to drop at a moment’s notice).

      Yes, these blog posts are my diary, if not my memoirs. I truly appreciate you and the other folks that I know are reading (as opposed to official “followers” most of whom don’t read, it is in the stats)(grumble). I do feel a bond. ♥

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  3. I’m afraid I will have to disagree with you on this one… Firstly, I would like (you) to think that you are not alone and you have, at least, us blogging buddies behind you and supporting you. If only I lived down the road, I would happily pop round for tea (or coffee) if you wished of course.
    Also, I think if you did write a memoir, people would read it. You’re obviously a gifted and intelligent writer, and if the story were true (or only half true to give you some leeway) and from the heart, then I think it would be a good read (even for a non-reader like me). My dad effectively wrote about his life, in short sharp single or 2 page stories and I put that together as a book. It was mainly for our family to read but, since he was in the Navy and travelled the world during the 2nd World War, a couple of other mariners have asked for a copy. So you should certainly consider it and, if you do, put me down for a copy. 😊

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    1. Well, you made me cry. (Again?) In a good way. Thank you. As I was saying to Monicle, I do very much appreciate the blogging bonds. There *are* a group of people that I feel are friends. It would be fun to have coffee.

      How wonderful for you that your dad was able to write, and you were able to compile, a book of his stories. So far the blog is mine, and I thank you for reading.

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