Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “open book, point, write.” Pick up the closest book to you when you sit down to write your post. Close your eyes, open the book, and place your finger on the page. Whatever word or phrase your finger lands on, write about it. Enjoy!
For weeks, the closest book to my computer has been Photoshop CS4. I’ve even started a new blog, Seicher, M & Me, which is about learning Photoshop so that I can play with my Second Life images even more than I do now. It is also about art, creativity, photography and those sorts of things, but mainly it is just my “class” notes from working through the textbook next to my computer.
The quote is from the Working with Vectors chapter, and is:
… you have three basic choices or modes when creating paths …
And no, I’m not going to talk about vectors.
My life is all about choices (and the lack thereof) and creating new paths. Honestly, aren’t all of our lives? But there are choices, like should I eat vegetarian today for Meatless Monday? and then there are choices like should apply for this subsidized housing but not this one? Who knows, maybe the vegetarian decision will prove to be more meaningful in ten years than the housing one. Weirder things have happened.
For over ten years my life has been stress-filled around basic survival needs and their lack. I now feel like I’m pointed on one path. In reality there are always several paths open to us at any given time, but I feel to be firmly on this one. I know my goal, which is to be retired and living on a fixed income, way below the poverty line even if I get work-at-home income, and being settled in subsidized housing. We all have dreams, right? (sarcasm font on, full bright). But while abject poverty and being crippled isn’t a great goal, it truly is mine, because if all of that happens then I’ll be settled. My life will be as predictable as anyone’s life can be. I can focus on health — mental, physical and spiritual, creativity and learning. I might find calm and center. I might even meet people and form bonds. :::gasps and falls over in a faint:::
While I feel committed to this path, I find myself stuck and waiting. It is out of my hands. I wait for others to decide for me. I have no choices. As many choices as we have in life (infinite), we don’t always have access to every choice. I realize that depending upon the choices other people make and the finite reality of my finances converge, that I may wind up on another path entirely. I hope not.