As far as I can tell, my unemployment benefits end on April 1. Rather fitting, don’t you think? Very soon afterwards I will have zero money.

Last I checked with Social Security, my application was just about to be assigned to some determination person, which we know because it has been assigned a claim number. Woot? On the off chance that the application is approved on the first go-round, without appeal, then I still don’t know “how much.” As in, will it be enough to live on?

Tick tick tick

Meanwhile, I continue to look for work, because: what choice do I have? There are no jobs for me to apply to in this area. Either they are all part time, pay too little, I’m not qualified, I’m over qualified, the physical demands can’t be met… Job offerings tend to lag quite a bit from November through January.

The way the unemployment system is set up, any job is not better than no job. I learned that the hard way. I’ve had several interviews, but no offers. This isn’t generally what happens, used to be if I got an interview I there has been a good chance I’d get the job. Not always, of course. Now, the sixty-year-old woman with a cane is no doubt a lot of the problem; although, I’m not sure it is all that different from the fifty-nine-year-old woman with a cane who got hired twice in 2018 . I’m also wondering if my mental health condition is making my interviewing less than stellar. I used to be good at interviewing, but now I’m not so sure.

Mentally, emotionally, I’m not sure where I’m at. It seems I may have turned a corner a bit, from the precipitous plummet. You may have noticed I’ve been blogging more, writing more poetry, sketching. That’s all good. I think I’m teetering in denial-land a bit. I’m trying not to hope about anything (it is a luxury I can’t afford), but I’m sure I’m “hoping” to get an ok’d determination on the disability. I’m “hoping” I don’t become homeless. I don’t want to encourage that, because when things don’t work out, that’s a horrible, horrible place to be. Non-attachment is key. Woot.

I have another appointment at the end of the week for the psychological intake. Then comes the :::drumroll::: treatment plan. I have no idea. I just show up. I have an appointment soon with my GP to discuss pain medications, of which I’m sure I’ll be told, again, that I’m in a “difficult situation.” I continue to work The Artist’s Way, although at my own pace.

There’s an employment ad for what looks like a private investigator, will train. I think the cane would make for a great cover.

Wondering why and how it is fifty degrees out now, and is supposed to be the same tomorrow. I think it means that it is time for me to feed my sourdough starter and bake some bread!

Featured image is a 2016 original photograph from Second Life. No post production.

7 Comments

  1. Baking bread sounds like a great way to find some stability in all of that. Being 60 and unemployed sucks. I went through that too – now I’m over 65 I get the aged pension here in Oz. I hope you find some way to bring some relief to the worries about money and sincerely hope you don’t become homeless. That is my biggest dread too.

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    1. I’ve moved into the mad-scientist phase of the bread baking. I have a nice smelling. wonderfully bubbly sourdough starter that just refuses to rise! It has been very cold here and my apartment is chilly. Or maybe it is the flour. Or both. Or something else. The simplicity of the starter hides the complexity of it all. So I now have little containers of experiments to see which, if any, makes a difference. No bread, but yeah, it is keeping me occupied.

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      1. It might be because it’s cold. Sour dough is tricky. I like your method of trying all different ways. I hope you get some success. Bread making is quite an art really. I used to do it a lot but I’m out of practice. The few times I’ve tried in recent years the bread is just plain horrible 🙂

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        1. So far two experiments show promise. Both had a 1:1:1 (sluggish starter:flour:water). One I added only rye flour for the feed, the other regular, multi-purpose flour. The starter was made using only bread flour (which may have been part of the issue). Both have nearly doubled overnight. Yes, the cold :::shakes fist at cold:::

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