It was another difficult discussion with the difficult bff that is going to continue to be a difficult situation until … something, or someone, gives or my head literally explodes. I started out the conversation subdued and quiet, but eventually my heart just wrenched. My anxiety was pulsing. I had a headset on so my hands were free, and at some point I realized that I was unconsciously, as I was inhaling, raising both hands in front of me, like they were resting on a big balloon being filled. As I was exhaling my hands lowered, as if the balloon was deflating, and at the end I was giving a little push, to force all the air out.
I guess all of those years of learning different types of meditation rubbed off a little.
Once I was aware of what I was doing, I listened (sort of) to whatever it was that was being said on the other end, while I just breathed and hand floated — consciously this time. Inhaling, hands floating up; exhaling, hands floating down and pushing (the bad juju, I assume) out. Sometimes all you can do is breathe. Respiration, it’s a good thing—as was the tequila I had after the phone call.