Paranormal

Part of Blogging 201 has us analyzing our stats. It got me to click the button from the front page over to the summary page where you can see what is happening in a broader view. I’m not interested in becoming Internet Famous. I do like looking at the various numbers and the little colorful country flags. I’m not going to change my content in any major way because of who is watching when.

However… part of depression is an inability to do. Sometimes that means not getting out of bed. On better days, for me, I get fixated with passive things like watching Netflix or reading. On slightly better days I will play video games or… spend all day on the Internet and my blog. I will sit for hours “doing” these things. They act as a mental anesthesia. An astute reader can judge my mood by noticing how much I’m posting. I’m supposed to be maniacally sorting and packing. I have been doing some. There IS progress. But let’s face it, in the best of times unpacking, sorting and repacking boxes is a god-awful chore. Right now is not the best of times. I’m scared. I’m depressed. I’m…zoning out in denial with my blog and the Internet.

Eddard-Stark-the-WeatherAs understandable as that is (to me, and probably anyone who has dealt with deep depression), there is also a reality. Part of my procrastination is that I don’t have a hard deadline to move to New Hampshire. I had hoped to have everything ready to go by the end of this month and be on the road in early November. While still possible it is improbable. The reality is (oh I can’t stop myself), Winter Is Coming. I really don’t feel like driving a 12 year old car, with no snow tires, and with a geriatric cat on-board into a raging New England winter. Not to mention the sooner I get up there the sooner the job search begins, etc.

Didn’t I start this ramble about stats? Yes I did. So let’s roll it back in that direction. The stats are showing me that Tuesday and Wednesday are my slowest days here. Using that I will cut back (cease?) my postings on those days. I also want to use the down days for participating more in the blog community—catching up on visiting other blogs, etc. I try to make it a point to check out everyone’s site who likes or follows my blog.

Maybe I’ll focus Tuesdays and Wednesdays to photo posting from things I have on disc. That doesn’t take any time.

The blog is holding together what remains of my sanity. I do mean that literally. It is therapy. However, while a little of something might be good a lot of something isn’t necessarily better and I don’t need to make things worse for myself. Depressed people need compassion and understanding and kindness (usually from themselves first, which is the hardest thing ever) but every so often this depressed person needs a gentle boot up the butt.

8 Comments

  1. I can relate on the procrastination front. I usually use blogging/reading/cleaning as excuses to avoid homework. Right now I’m using it to avoid making Halloween costumes. I’ll be kicking myself later I’m sure lol.

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    1. That’s the thing, it is instant gratification and wonderful work avoidance, but in the long run it just makes life harder because magic elves didn’t complete the work that still needs completion. I blame the Magic Elves Union.

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  2. have you tried working/blogging/reading in a cafe on really bad days? it works wonders– because you feel you achieved something and you didn’t let the depression get the better of you. i know it gets tough in a real world brittle sense but that’s why we all turn to the page. 🙂

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    1. 😀 Oh would that I could. I would have to drive about 1.5 hours to find a cafe. I live in the middle of nowhere, in SE Kentucky. Bad knees and a car with expired plates (due to poverty and an impending move) keep me close to home, which around here is “home.” There is no place civilized.

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